I Get Spam

Track lighting, from Wikimedia Commons

I don’t often get spam worth sharing, but this one is comedy gold. (See also below for post-419 comments.)

From: “Mr Ronald Anthony”<mrronaldanthonys@—.—>
Subject: RE: ISSUES OF FRAUD CRIME AGAINST YOU (FBI)

THIS IS THE (F.B.I)
http://www.fbi.gov

FBI Headquarters in Washington, D.C.
Federal Bureau of Investigation
J. Edgar Hoover Building
935 Pennsylvania Avenue,
NW Washington, D.C. 20535-0001

FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION (FBI)

Attention

This the Federal Bureau Of Investigation (FBI) We are writing in response to our track light monitoring device which we received today in our office about the illegal transactions that you have been involve in for a long time now.

We understand from our general investigations that some con men from Australia has been ripping a man off him hard earned money with the pretense of dealing with birds Company that will deliver a pet to him and the proposed amount which was to be transferred to you is the sum of $5,000,000 Usd as stated in our record here.

We also got a complain from our Australia man counterpart stating that your identity/information’s was used to dupe a Australia business man to the tune of $4 Billion Usd by some Australia Fraudsters which you have been in contact with for some time now.

The German Government has ordered for your urgent arrest regarding the crimes that was committed with your name,after all the series of investigations conducted here in our office we tracked your record and we found out that you have never been jailed or had any fraudulent case that may jeopardize your image and personality.

All this information’s are on record and we are going to use it against you in the world court when this case will be brought before it and we called the Australia High Commission for an urgent compensation for the bad deed that has been committed with your name.

The Australia Government has made available the sum of $950,000.00 Usd for your compensation and then we would like to inform you to stop any further communications with the con men so that you will not be brought before the law..

We also discovered that you have made some payments to them earlier for this same funds that was to be sent to you.

Don’t forget that all your properties will be confiscated as soon as you are jailed because it will be believed that you got them from fraudulent and dubious business transactions like the one that you are in right now.

We have forwarded a copy of this information’s to all the states crime agencies including,

National Crime Information Center (NCIC)

CrimTrac Agency, Canberra,

Crime and Corruption Commission

Crime and Misconduct Commission

Home Land Security Service.

Economic And Financial Crimes Commission (EFCC)

Nigerian Local Metropolitan Police (NLMP)

So all you need to do right now in other to clear your name from the scam list which has already been forwarded to our office is to secure the CLEAN BILL CERTIFICATE immediately.

This Certificate will then clear your name from the scam list and also after the Certificate has been issued to you, you will then forward it to the payment officer for the urgent transfer of your compensation funds of $950,000.00 Usd.

You are required to forward to us your private contact number for oral communications and don’t forget that you will be given only 72hours to secure the CLEAN BILL CERTIFICATE or you will face the law and its consequences.

Your e-mail address is now under our e-mail track monitor, so you should make sure that you don’t respond to any e-mail that is being sent to you from anybody or organization that claims to be working for the Government.

Forward the details of the payment you made to them earlier, and also all the information’s/documents that was forwarded to you by those criminals that you have been in contact with for a long time now.

Also below is my attached Identity Card for your perusal.

Get back to us as soon as you receive this e-mail so that we can guild you on how to secure the Certificate within 72hours.

THANKS FOR YOUR CO-OPERATION.

Thanks as I wait for your response

Respectively
Mr Ronald Anthony
FBI AGENT


I’ve seen some unconvincing 419 scams before, but this one is like two kids on each other’s shoulders, wearing an overcoat, trying to sneak into Buckingham Palace by pretending to be an Interpol inspector. And using Clouseau as a model.

Having said that, isn’t it amazing what they’re doing with track lighting nowadays? And I hope guilding doesn’t hurt.

If you liked that, you’re sure to enjoy this PSA for Camp Quest Northwest.

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2 Responses to I Get Spam

  1. Eamon Knight says:

    Heh. I recently received — at my work address — an email about an overdue speeding ticket from the State of New York, complete with response link. But you got me beat by a country mile, you international fraudster, you!

    (BTW: While the email about the ticket did give me a moment of pause — I live only about an hour from the border, and I did drive in NY a couple of times last year — the generally vague and amateurish wording of the email, and the failure to give a vehicle ID, quickly reassured me that it was some kind phishing spam).

    Like

  2. “This is the FBI speaking. Stop touching yourself!”

    Like

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