Seems Like an Expensive Way to Stroke Someone’s Ego

Right now, for US$60, you can buy a Guitar Hero III pack that includes everything you need to play, including the game and a guitar controller. For US$100, you can buy a Rock Band set that includes the game, a guitar, a drum set, and a microphone. Two reasonably-priced options for pretending that you’re performing in front of thousands of screaming fans who just want to listen to you play a flimsy piece of plastic and proffer oral sex.

The main problem with these games, evidently, is that they feature songs about things other than God. GH3 includes The Number of the Beast, and a song about the Devil going down to Georgia. And Rock Band even includes a song about someone who explicitly “doesn’t look a thing like Jesus“. How much more explicitly blasphemous can it get?

Thankfully, Digital Praise has fixed this problem by introducing Guitar Praise. (Also the problem of having songs by artists you’ve ever heard of.)

For just $100, the price of a Rock Band setup, you can buy a Guitar Hero clone (not available for any game console platform), and pretend that you’re playing to praise a magic man who’ll send you to be tortured forever if you don’t. Yay!

From the folks who brought you Dance Praise, which achieves the same ends, but more bouncing and less plastic squeaking.

(Okay, Dance Praise gets props for two things: 1) there are a couple of Andy Hunter° songs, and 2) there’s a mode where you can play Tetris with the dance pad, so it’s a little more than just a DDR ripoff.)

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One Response to Seems Like an Expensive Way to Stroke Someone’s Ego

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