The Long D’oh! Man

If you’ve read Terry Pratchett’s Lords and Ladies, you may remember the Long Man, a figure cut into a hillside, inspired by the Cerne Abbas Giant in Dorset, in England.

To promote the new Simpsons movie, a new figure, of Homer Simpson in tighty-whities and holding a doughnut, has been painted on a neighboring field (in water-soluble paint, so it should wash off when it rains).

What’s funnier, though, is the reaction of the local Pagan community:

Ann Bryn-Evans, joint Wessex district manager for The Pagan Federation, said: “It’s very disrespectful and not at all aesthetically pleasing.

“We were hoping for some dry weather but I think I have changed my mind. We’ll be doing some rain magic to bring the rain and wash it away.”

Point 1: Lighten up, dudes. Bitching about this being “disrespectful” makes you look as wacky and unhinged as the Christian nutjobs protesting The Life of Brian and The Last Temptation of Christ.

Point 2: Rain magic? Rain magic?! In case you hadn’t noticed, this is the 21st century. We know what causes rain, and it ain’t rain fairies or however you think it works.

Point 3: The oldest written references to the Cerne Abbas Giant only date back to the 17th century. In a country that’s been continuously inhabited since long before there was even such a thing as the English language, this is the equivalent of last week’s graffiti in the subway. So either this “symbol of ancient spirituality” went unnoticed for thousands of years (including by medieval Christians, not known for their tolerance of pagan symbols), or else this is really an 18th century farmer’s way of telling his neighbor, “I’m gonna beat your skull in, then make you squeal like a pig.”

So please cut out the drama. And next time you’re at Marks & Spencer, pick up a sense of humor.

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