Islamic Bicycles

This is for real, as far as I can tell:

Iran plans to make special bicycles designed for women that will be compatible with Islamic regulations and not expose their body movements while riding.

The new bicycle would have a cabin to cover half of a rider’s body, the newspaper Iran quoted project manager Elaheh Sofali as saying.

Jesus and Mo has the perfect T-shirt for this:
Thank you for not provoking my uncontrollable lust

Seriously, what’s these people’s hangup about sex? The cynic in me thinks that if you take a bunch of normal young males and try to get them to suppress the sexual urges bequeathed them by half a billion years’ worth of evolution, of course they’re going to become neurotic and pliant.

These people really need to have a glass of wine, get laid, and just chill out.

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10 Responses to Islamic Bicycles

  1. Fez says:

    These people really need to have a glass of wine

    My understanding is that their religious faith doesn’t allow for wine in this life. They get that in the afterlife after living a good-as-defined-by-doctrine life here.

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  2. arensb says:

    Fez:

    My understanding is that their religious faith doesn’t allow for wine in this life.

    I know. That was deliberate. They also have a hangup about booze.

    I couldn’t figure out a way to work bacon in there as well, though. Though admittedly bacon and pork chops are nowhere near as relaxing as good wine and good sex.

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  3. Fez says:

    I know. That was deliberate.

    And THIS, gentle readers, is why one shouldn’t use cheap rechargeables in one’s sarcasm meter.

    Though admittedly bacon and pork chops are nowhere near as relaxing as good wine and good sex.

    Bacon after good sex is more relaxing than sex alone. Just put on pants before breaking out the skillet. Please don’t ask how I know this, just accept it on faith 😉

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  4. arensb says:

    Fez:
    What’s your stand on turkey bacon?

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  5. Fez says:

    And by ‘one’ of course I mean me.

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  6. Fez says:

    What’s your stand on turkey bacon?

    Scripture tells us we are to strive to avoid turkey bacon, however under no circumstances is anything but real pork to be used when making the Blessed Carbonara. Entrees 14:8

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  7. Troublesome Frog says:

    If you’re not allowed any wine in this life, how do you know whether it’s actually a worthwhile incentive in the next life? They should give wine for a year of your life and then take it away. “Did you like that? Well, now you have to behave and you can have some more in the next life.” Way more effective.

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  8. arensb says:

    Troublesome Frog:

    On one hand, you make a good point. On the other hand, if a Muslim tastes wine and decides he doesn’t like it, the imam can always say that that’s just corrupt earthly wine; the wine in Paradise is much better than that. That’s the nice thing about imaginary places: you can just make shit up.

    The other thing I’ve never understood is, why is it desirable that the 72 houris be virgins? I mean, isn’t sex generally better with experienced women who know what they’re doing?

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  9. Troublesome Frog says:

    Arensb,

    I’ve been thinking about that a lot, and I think that it may have something to do with who is in charge in the given culture. Who is supposed to know everything and be good at everything, and who is supposed to be ignorant and subservient? You wouldn’t want the woman to be (gasp) better than you at it, would you? That would be like a woman who knows more about mechanical things than you do!

    And of course, if you’re the only one they’ve ever slept with, you’re also the best they’ve ever slept with. Moderately sized fish, meet tiny little pond. You’re sooo big.

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  10. arensb says:

    Troublesome Frog:

    That sounds plausible. Of course, if you’re going to invent a heaven anyway, then why not invent one where everyone gets a nine-inch schlong? (Or two schlongs. Or a reconfigurable body with arbitrary numbers and types of protuberances and orifices.)

    This just seems like a small heaven (in the same way that YECs believe in a small god, one who fits in 6000 years): this seems to be “Heaven is a place where your inadequacies don’t matter, and you can get laid anyway”, rather than “In heaven, you’ll be a great lover.”

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